My Story

As I was trying to decide what to write about in my next post, I realized that I never shared my own diagnosis story. I remember going to a diabetes summer camp in middle school, and as we sat in our cabins on the first night, still trying to learn each others names, we all shared our personal diagnosis stories with each other. I'm not going to lie, it was actually difficult to talk about, which I didn't expect; however, it created a bond between all of us that lasted long after that short week. I think it's important for me to share my story with anyone who happens to be reading my blog. I want you all to feel the connection I felt with my fellow campers that summer night in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Feel free to comment your own personal stories on this post, if any of you would so like!

Well, here it goes...

Looking back, I didn't realize how bad I felt leading up to my diagnosis. I remember thinking how strange it was that my pee was completely clear and that I was peeing at least four times a night. Also, I couldn't believe how much weight I was loosing, while eating so much food! Not that I was complaining about that part though! I honestly thought my mom was just overreacting when she told me that she was taking me to our local fire department to get my blood sugar checked. She had Googled my symptoms and came up with the diagnosis of type one diabetes. When she mentioned this to me, twelve year old Katelin dismissed it so quickly, without a second thought about how that could even be possible. At all. Nope. Wasn't going to happen. Silly mom. I don't have type one diabetes. What? No.

Despite my persistent denials, my mom instructed me to not eat breakfast that morning and proceeded to drive me the the fire station before taking me to school that day. A family friend had offered to check my blood sugar, and immediately regretted that offer when my blood sugar flashed on the screen. Even as he announced the results to my mother and myself, I still didn't acknowledge the fact that I might actually be in some sort of trouble.  Well, that is until I got called down to the office during English class for a doctors appointment I had no idea I had.

It's strange how little I remember about some parts of that day. I can't even remember leaving class or the ride to the doctors. I don't even remember much about being at the doctors besides having to give them a urine sample (which, by the way, I thought was for a pregnancy test at the time). The next thing I remember is walking back into the exam room, seeing my doctor physically upset, telling my mom that she needed to get me to the children's hospital soon. You would think that by this point, I would have finally realized how serious this situation was, but for some reason, I was only upset by the fact that I might have to spend the night in a hospital alone. My theory is that I was either in shock or denial, but I was not upset by the fact that I more than likely had type one diabetes. I wasn't upset in the least bit.

Being a patient in a hospital was terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. However, once again, I was terrified because I was in a hospital getting an IV and being ask a million questions, not because I was being diagnosed with diabetes. After arriving at the ER, I was admitted into the Intensive Care Unit. I didn't know exactly what that meant, all I knew was that it was bad. It was at this point that my dad was finally able to get off work and make it to the hospital. I think this was when I realized how serious this might actually be, when my parents had to leave the room when my mom started filling my dad in about what was going on.

Anyways, I spent a few days in the hospital, while they regulated my blood sugars and taught me how to take care of my diabetes on my own for after I go home. I remember having to learn how to give myself shots. I got to practice multiple times on some soft, gooey, fake skin stuff. Yeah, it was as gross as is sounds. All of the nurses were so excited because later that day at lunch, I gave myself my own shot for the first time. Looking back, I guess I did it because I had both of my parents there, multiple nurses, and my new endocrinologist all there watching to see how I would do. With all that pressure, I had no choice to be strong and do it, no matter how scared I was to shove that tiny sliver of sharp metal into my stomach and insert some sort of clear, smelly, medication into my body.

The true test of my strength came later when I was finally able to go home. My mom made my favorite meal (macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, by the way), but when it came time to test my blood sugar, I couldn't do it. I sat in our kitchen for at least ten minutes with the lancet held to my finger, scared out of my mind and sobbing. My parents actually thought they were going to have to take me back to the hospital because they didn't know how to make me calm down, and they figured if I was acting this irrational about pricking my finger, there would be no way I was going to actually give myself a shot. To be honest, I don't actually remember pulling myself together, but I must have at some point because I've been testing my blood sugar without crying for almost seven years now.

For some reason, this is the last major event I remember about my diagnosis process. In those ten minutes of hysterical crying, I finally realized how very real this situation was. I have type one diabetes. I will always have type one diabetes. However, after I finally came to terms with this huge shock, I was able to pull myself together and do what needed to be done. I think that describes the lives of a lot of type one diabetics. We're all scared of having to live with diabetes, but no matter what is thrown our way, we're strong. Our disease has made us strong, and we're able to handle anything because we're able to live our lives as type one diabetics.

Stressed? Tell me about it...

Actually, don't tell me about it.

I understand that pretty much everyone in college is stressed about one thing or another, but are you really trying to complain to me about being stressed? Sure, you might have two papers due, an exam, and multiple extracurricular activities that you have to worry about, but you know what? I do too. However, unlike you, I also have a fun little gem called type one diabetes to deal with on top of everything else, so shut up.

This tends to be a conversation I have in my head multiple times a week when people decide that I'm the one they should complain to about being overly stressed. I'm not one to complain too much, especially about my diabetes, so I guess that's why people don't realize how much of a toll it takes on me every day. There is not a single aspect about my life that doesn't make me worry about my blood sugars. Something as simple as walking to class scares me because I worry about going low during class, having to pull out my tube of glucose tablets and try to discretely eat them while hiding any and all symptoms from my professor and classmates. Also, there is nothing more stressful than worrying about having the attention drawn to you because of your diabetes, like your pump going off in class or someone asking why you have a pager in your pocket while standing in a large group of people that probably contains a number attractive guys because why not make it as awkward as possible!? By the way, why would anyone even think a pump is a pager? It's 2014, in case anyone was wondering...

Anyways, type one diabetes is a very stressful thing to deal with in the first place, but it's even worse when you're already stressed about every other non-diabetic related aspect of your life. In the first place, stress can cause blood sugars to be high in general anyways; and, if you're anything like me when you're stressed, you tend to pretend that type one diabetes doesn't exist and the world is all rainbows and unicorns besides that one paper, project, or exam that 100% of your brain is concentrating on. This is obviously a problem. I've had type one diabetes long enough to know that it is like a full time job. A full time job that you hate and doesn't pay you enough, or in this case, at all. What I’m trying to say is that it's really dangerous to just ignore the fact that your pancreas decided to take a permanent vacation and not leave you any provisions of insulin for while it was gone. Sure, it sucks, but if you want to keep the function in your other internal organs, eyes, and nerve endings, you should probably just take your insulin. 

I know what you're all thinking right now because I'm thinking the exact same thing, "It's a lot easier said than done, Miss Know it All." Trust me, I know. I should probably be the last person you want to take advice from about remembering to bolus, but that's exactly why you should listen to me. I understand how hard it is. You're trying to juggle everything else in your life, just like everyone else who doesn't have type one diabetes, but we somehow got the hostile immune systems that decided to take its anger out on our pancreases. It's stressful. About the only thing simple about the life of a type one diabetic is that our lives are simply stressful. 

Reverting back to my rant at the beginning of this post, if you have people in your life who complain to you about how stressed they are, try not to overreact and slap them across the face like I tend to want to do. They don't understand, and probably never will, how much of a toll type one diabetes takes on someone's everyday life. Personally, thinking back to before I was diagnosed, I could have never imagined my life with diabetes. Try to hear them out when they start complaining to you, and in the back of your mind just keep thinking, "I'm just as stressed as you, but I'm going to get everything done and be a dia-bad-ass while doing so!"

College? Yes. College with Type 1 Diabetes? How about no...

College?

Yes.

I started college in the fall of 2013 at a small private school in the middle of nowhere. I was both terrified about the new experience and excited at the same time. However, it seemed that my terror tended to overpower my excitement for this next step in my life. I couldn't wait to be more independent, to meet new people, and to start getting involved at my college; however, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something holding me back. There was something in the back of my mind, something that I could feel in the pit of my stomach, something that I knew was going to hinder my college experience. That something was type one diabetes.

College with Type One Diabetes?

How about no...

Not only was I scared to death about starting college in general, I was terrified about starting college and managing my diabetes too. I was scared to tell my roommate, my friends, and my professors. Looking back, I'm glad I did because it was the safest option in case anything were to happen to me, especially since I don't wear my medical alert bracelet... Anyway, I'm not really sure why I was scared because it's not like they judged me or treated me any different, but there was just something that was holding me back. Little by little, they all found out and I would both relieved and almost proud of my disease. That was when I realized just how strong I was, and how much stronger I was than a lot of people who didn't have to juggle classes, clubs, a sorority, and diabetes. As the semester progressed and the people in my life knew about my diabetes, I realized that I had other things to be afraid of when it came to controlling my blood sugars. Let's just say that dining hall food, late night study breaks, walking up hills both ways to class, stress, and so much more completely screwed with my blood sugars. My endocrinologist was not very happy with my A1C after my first three months in college. I was eventually able to adjust to my life style but it took a while. What I'm trying to say is that type one diabetes is hard, and it's even more difficult in college. I know I'm not the only one that went through is or are currently doing so, so to all of you out there I want you to know that you're not alone. More than likely, there are even other type one diabetics on your campus other than you. I know of quite a few just at my small, rural university! I'm inviting you all to find a community of supporters to help you during this crazy time in your life and to follow my blog to see my personal struggles and find out for yourself that you are most certainly not alone in the wild world that is known as college with type one diabetes!